Diaries of a recovering addict/alcoholic

Brush my teeth, re-apply my face and start my day all over again.


I’m tired and I miss you.

If only you wanted to spend as much time with me as you used to.


I need more strength and courage than ever before.


I’ll answer anything

Put a number in a box for the answer

1. Say something that challenges my way of thinking.

2. Give me your best pick up line.

3. Tell me a joke.

4. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard?

5. How is your blog a reflection of yourself? What do you think people assume or know about you by looking at your blog?

6. Make a 5 song playlist that sums you up as a person.

7.What’s something you’re nostalgic for?

8. What’s the most annoying thing about the person you like?

9. You ordered pizza last night and have been looking forward to eating the leftovers all day. You go home and the box is still in the fridge, but someone has eaten all of it and its empty. What do you do?

10. Take a picture of an inanimate object in your house that holds significance for you and tell why you find it so significant.

11. Take a picture of your pet if you have one and tell why you love him or her.

12. In what ways have you ever altered your look, i.e. new hair color/style/colored contacts, and which of your looks is your favorite?

13. On a scale of 1-10 how large is your attention span?

14. Are you sure that you were born in the right era?

15. The last text you sent is the only thing you can say for the rest of your life. How screwed are you?

16. Make me a proposition and then convince me to take you up on that offer.

17. Tell an inside joke you share with your friends?

18. What is your opionion on snapbacks?

19. If you had to diagnosis yourself with any mental illness which would it be?

20. Create a Sim of yourself and post a picture telling which personality traits, lifetime aspiration, and career you’d have.

21. Name at least three things you could stand to cut out of your life.

22. What’s your favorite snack?

23. If you got selected to be on a reality show which would it be, and why?

24. Your signature thing, what you are most known for among your friends is now your name. What do people call you?

25. What’s the sickest you’ve ever been?

26. Batman vs The Hulk, who would win?

27. Write me a haiku about anything.

28. If you were guaranteed honest repsonses to any three questions, whom would you question and what would you ask them?

29. What if anything is too serious to be joked about?

30. If you could be invisible for a day what would you do?


100 questions

1. Are you young at heart, or an old soul?

 Both —If that’s possible.

2. What makes someone a best friend? 

Great question; I’m afraid I have no answer for that one. I am still discovering this myself.

3. What Christmas (or Hanukkah) present do you remember the most?

Two story Barbie house.

4. Tell me about a movie/song/tv show/play/book that has changed your life.

The first thing I think of is the band Anti-Flag. Opened me up to promoting the concept of love and tolerance my freshman year.

Also, Matisyahu’s King without a Crown just recently. 

5. Name one physical feature that you like about yourself, and one you dislike.

Like: This angel kiss on my brest

Dislike: too short

6. Would you like to reconnect with any friends you’ve lost contact with?

Yes, so many of them. I miss my boys in Phoenix. I think and pray for them all the time.

7. What’s more important in a relationship: physical attraction or emotional connection?

Without a connection you have nothing.

8. Name a movie that you knew would be terrible just from reading the title.

The Roommate

9. What holiday do you most look forward to?

Used to be Halloween. Recently I have a new found respect for my old family traditions, any excuse to get everyone together is awesome to me.

10. How is the relationship between you and your parents?

A lot better now that I moved 150+ miles away

11. You’ve got the TV on, but you’re not really watching. What channel is the TV on?

PBS, CBS, Fox …did I mention I only get 4 channels. lol Used to be food network tho

12. Name a song that never fails to make you happy.

“Come Running” lol I used to hate hate hate that song.

13. You know at least one person named Michael. Tell me about him.

I think of Micael Young; a shorter fellow, kind, intellegent, fucking hilarious. Brown hair, probably brown eyes, a lil pale. Always had his shit together, more-so than most of us.

14. Have you ever read the “missed connections” on Craigslist? Have you ever posted one, or wanted to?

Yes, I’ve browsed once. Never posted…. but maybe someday.

15. If you could pick anywhere to live the rest of your life, where would it be?

On an island somewhere far from everything, live off the land.

16. Can money buy happiness?

Maybe for an hour or so ;p

17. Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Why, or why not?

lol um, I smoke cigarettes and drink a lot of coffee. God willing, I will celebrate 8 months of sobriety on the 10th of June, 2012. :D

18. Is there anyone close to you that you know you can’t trust? You don’t have to give names.

I trust no one… not even myself. -I’m working on it.

19. Where was your favorite place to go when you were a little kid?

The beach, a swimming pool, the attic, the bath tub. I liked to be alone.

20. Have you ever spent a night in the hospital?

Too many nights.

21. Do you enjoy being with only one or two friends, or with a large group of people?

Both, actually. I miss my friends back home. We could sit around and do nothing and be perfectly content… we also used to rave our asses off, and fucking LOVED meeting hundreds of new people.

22. Do you like the type of music your parents listen to? Do your parents like the type of music you listen to?

My parents are pretty dope and like a lot of great music. We enjoy a lot of the same music, but we both like stuff the others do not.

23. Have you ever been bullied? Have you ever bullied anyone else?

I have been bullied. I was a fat kid in grade school. I do not recall bullying anyone, but I did have my own crew of friends in Jr.High, and I guess when I had a distaste for someone my friends had no shame in picking on them.

24. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Cheese

25. If your partner wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, would you stay in that relationship?

D: Um, that’s a good question. I suppose it depends on how well we click.

26. Do you believe in a god?

I believe in a power greater than myself who I chose to call God.

27. Of all the social networks in the world, why use Tumblr?

IDK, I like it. I use Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Pinetrest, FormSpring, and FourSquare too… j/s

28. What’s your favorite Tumblr tag to track?

Type 1 Diabetes

29. Would you call yourself/your family “middle class?”

…lower class brats

30. Name a TV series you didn’t enjoy until after it ended.

Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Battlestar Galactica

31. Have you ever bought a product from an infomercial?

Not that I recall - I’ve wanted to tho

32. If you could give up your car and never have to drive again, would you?

Fuck no! I miss my car! I love driving.

33. If you go back to one point in time to give advice to yourself, when would you go and what would you say?

Just once, aye? Probably around age 14. I would warn myself about the consequences of many of my actions, unprotected sex, drug/alcohol use, neglagance towards my diabetes, dropping out of school, and so on….

34. What’s your “quirkiest” habit?

I like to sing and hum and dance to myself…. quite often

35. What is “normal?” Are you normal?

Normal is average or common… I think I am closer to normal than I’d like to be… I like to believe I am not the average lady.

36. Someone close to you is dying. You have the choice to let this person live for 10 more years, but if you do, you cause the death of 10 strangers. You don’t have to see them die. Do you take the offer?

Um, no. That’s horrible.

37. What is one thing you could never forgive?

I am a very understanding person.

38. Would you rather be in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends, or be single?

If you are lucky enough to find your soulmate…. the honeymoon period never ends

39. Is it possible for guys and girls to be just friends?

I have always said yes, but most argue it isn’t so. Naive, am I?

40. Where do you and your friends go to hang out?

lol The Alano Club (a rec. center/meeting hall for sober addicts and alcoholics) …we used to go to Macey’s Coffee shop a lot too

41. Write the first paragraph of your obituary.

WTF - um… I don’t know about all that

42. What is the best TV theme song ever?

Saved by the Bell…. or Prince of Bellair

43. When you were young, what would you dream you would be when you grew up?

An author

44. When you’re alone in your own home, do you walk around naked?

In my panites, yes.

45. What gets you out of bed in the morning?

My dier need to serve the machine…. on the weekends I try to sleep until I think my stomach is caving in on me and needs to be fed.

46. Do you want to have more friends than you have right now?

I have plenty!

47. What part of the past year sticks out in your mind?

Recovery…. every minute of it. Meeting after meeting after meeting….

48. You win a scratch-off lottery game that gives you $2000 a week (after taxes) for the rest of your life. Do you keep your job?

Nah, I would go back to school FULL TIME and write again!

49. Could you be in a long-distance relationship? If you’re in one, what makes yours work?

I used to be. What made it work was the fact that it was an “open” relationship. 

50. What’s the best route to your heart?

Loving me as much as I love you…

51. Have you ever met someone through the internet, then met them in real life?

Yes, many many times. 

52. What is your favorite sport?

Skateboarding

53. What has been troubling you lately?

My health and finances …amoung so many other things

54. Did you enjoy your high school prom? If you haven’t gotten there yet, do you look forward to it? If you didn’t go, why not?

I wish I would have gone. I didn’t hang around high school much

55. What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning?

More often? That’s a darn good question. I think I am still trying to distinguish the difference between the two

56. Do you know what makes you happy?

A lot of things can make me happy. Confidence in myself and a sense of accomplishment… #1 Faith in my HP

57. Tell me about the last book you read.

I am reading THE BELLJAR. It is eerily close to home. It’s about a girl who loses her mind, I believe. Strange how much I relate to this charcater and her thought process…. hopefully I don’t end up putting my head in the oven, like Sylvia Plath.

58. What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given?

I love recieving praise for my writing 

59. Who was your first crush?

A friend of the family…. I still dig on him.

60. Do you believe that there is life on other planets?

Undoubtedly

61. Predict what your life will look like a year from now.

A year from now? It’s hard to say. I might still be working at the same shop I am at now, living in Flagstaff… hopefully still going to college - a car and my own home.

62. Often, people will ask how your last relationship ended. I want to know how it began.

I invited my current b/f out to a concert. I only wanted to be his friend, to be honest… that all when out the window when he kissed me that night. 

63. Where is your favorite place to go out and eat?

I love seafood - so, Red Lobster

64. What is something you want to change about your current situation?

My sluty tendencies eating at me as I attempt to remain loyal and devoted to someone who doesn’t seem nearly as into me as I am in him.

65. Early bird or night owl?

Both

66. Are there any childhood possessions you still hold on to?

I have been trying to purge much of my old stuff. I am a sucker for anything with sentemental value.

67. Give me an unpopular opinion you have.

I am very liberal, I believe in peace and tolerence, I support same sex marrage…

68. What was the last song that was stuck in your head?

A song I used to swear my ex played with me in mind, it’s called “Michel” by ANOUK

69. Where do you live? Be as general or specific as you want.

I live in a house with three men, in Sunny Side - the east side of Flagstaff, Arizona

70. Do you believe in giving kids medals and trophies for participation?

Fuck yeah! Otherwise I would never have gotten a trophy in my lifetime.

71. What was the longest car ride you’ve ever taken?

19 hours to Corpus Christie, Texas from Phoenix, Arizona

72. Have you ever taken part in a protest?

Um… no, I don’t think so.

73. Would you ever use an online dating service?

I don’t have any trouble meeting people. If anything, I have trouble with the fact that I meet too many people.

74. What is your ethnic heritage?

Mexican - American

75. Describe a person that inspires you.

Anyone who gets this thing we call life…

76. If you earn minimum wage doing what you love, would you?

I would do what I love, but I am also aware that I coulds not possibly live off that income. So…. a second job is a MUST

77. Do you believe in luck?

Everything I used to believe has been questioned…. idk what I believe anymore.

78. Describe the last time you were very angry at someone.

More often than not I am angry with myself. I tend to over react to virtually everything.

79. Do you want to live until you’re 100?

Ew. Fuck no

80. Do people change? If so, how do you keep a relationship together when both of you start to change?

Yes, people change. It is inevitable. Keeping it together…. sometimes the best thing to do is let it go and move on.

81. Have you ever risked a friendship by telling someone you liked them?

Many

82. Would you rather be alone doing something you enjoy, or doing something you don’t like with your best friends?

Alone.

83. Do you practice what you preach?

Not always.

84. If you take precautions to stay safe, do you ultimately act more recklessly?

I suffer from anxiety and freak out when I am in a reckless situation. I wasn’t always that way.

85. What do you value more in a significant other: Attractiveness or intelligence?

Intelligence makes anyone attractive.

86. Are you hard-headed?

I have been told I am very hard-headed and have always been since I was a baby.

87. Have you ever laughed uncontrollably when it was socially inappropriate?

Bwahahaa - often.

88. When have you felt most alive?

Dancing - closing my eyes and forgetting everything around me, forgetting everyone around me and simply dancing.

89. Would you prefer to live? A city? The suburbs? The countryside? The mountains?

The mountains - a forest near a lake/creek.

90. Do you often skip breakfast?

Almost never.

91. How do you know what true love is?

I don’t

92. Would you want to know the exact date and time you were going to die?

Yes, maybe I Wouldn’t have such horrible anxiety anymore. lol

93. Where is “home” for you?

85302, bitches!

94. What song best describes your life right now?

Matisyahu - King Without a Crown …or Drug Ballad by Eminem haa

95. Do you want to be perfect?

I’ve said it again and again - I don’t want to be perfect, but I want to be better.

96. What have you never tried, but would really like to someday? What’s holding you back?

Being with a woman. I’m not sure what’s holding me back…. it’s much harder to find a gay woman than a straight man. j/s

97. How do you express your creativity?

Writing, dancing, creating in many ways…. like making clothing and accessories, or working with oil pastals.

98. Describe your neighborhood.

Run down

99. Name something you only liked because it was popular.

ummmm… IDK. I’m not much of a bandwagon person…. maybe Harry Potter.

100. Give me the story of your life in six words.

Life goes on. Yes it does.


Damn son

True or False. DO IT.
  • 1. had sex? TRUE
  • 2. bought condoms? TRUE
  • 3. gotten pregnant? TRUE
  • 4. failed a class? TRUE
  • 5. kissed a boy?  TRUE
  • 6. kissed a girl? TRUE
  • 7. used a little paper bag for lunch? TRUE
  • 8. had a job? TRUE
  • 9. slipped on ice? TRUE
  • 10. missed the school bus? TRUE
  • 11. left the house without my wallet? TRUE
  • 12. bullied someone on the internet? FALSE
  • 13. sexted?  TRUE
  • 14. had sex in public?  TRUE
  • 15. played on a sports team?  TRUE
  • 16. smoked weed?  TRUE
  • 17. smoked cigarettes? TRUE
  • 18. smoked a cigar? TRUE
  • 19. drank alcohol? . TRUE
  • 20. watched “The Breakfast Club”? TRUE
  • 21. been overweight? TRUE
  • 22. been underweight? TRUE
  • 23. had an eating disorder? TRUE
  • 24. been to a wedding? TRUE
  • 25. made fun of someone for being fat? FALSE
  • 26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight?  TRUE
  • 27. watched tv for 5 hours straight? TRUE
  • 28. been late for work? TRUE
  • 29. been late for school? TRUE
  • 30. kissed in the rain? TRUE
  • 31. showered with someone else? TRUE
  • 32. failed my drivers test? TRUE
  • 33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes? FALSE
  • 34. been outside my home country? TRUE
  • 35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? TRUE
  • 36. had lice? TRUE
  • 37. gotten my heart broken? TRUE
  • 38. had a credit card? TRUE
  • 39. been to a professional sports game? TRUE
  • 40. broken a bone? TRUE
  • 41. been unhappy about my weight? TRUE
  • 42. won a trophy? TRUE
  • 43. cut myself? TRUE
  • 44. had an STD? TRUE
  • 45. got engaged? TRUE
  • 46. been on a diet? TRUE
  • 47. tried out to be on a tv show? FALSE (tho I wanted to)
  • 48. rode in a taxi? TRUE
  • 49. been to prom? FALSE
  • 50. played a drinking game? TRUE ugh
  • 51. stayed up for 24 hours or more?  TRUE
  • 52. been to a concert? TRUE
  • 53. had a three-some? TRUE
  • 54. had a crush on someone of the same sex? TRUE
  • 55. been in a car accident? TRUE
  • 56. had braces? FALSE
  • 57. learned another language?  TRUE
  • 58. killed an animal? UM… NOT INTENTIONALLY BUT  TRUE, i GUESS
  • 59. been at a yard sale? TRUE
  • 60. been to a japanese steakhouse? FALSE
  • 61. wore make up? TRUE
  • 62. talked to someone via webcam? TRUE
  • 63. lost my virginity before I was 16? TRUE
  • 64. had my wisdom teeth taken out? TRUE
  • 65. kissed someone a different race than myself? TRUE
  • 66. snuck out of the house? TRUE
  • 67. bought porn? TRUE
  • 68. had a virus on my computer? TRUE
  • 69. had oral sex?            TRUE                  


Trying harder than ever to get back on track.


You will never know how much the 10:30PM text meant to me.


Ugh

Lately I’ve had the image of myself screaming at the top of my lungs playing over and over every time I close my eyes. 

I am filled with fear and resentment.

I am exhausted. 

Despite the number of loved ones in my life, I feel alone.

I feel mighty dependent on having someone hold my hand through all this.

I really just want you to be here for me; is that too much to ask? I feel as though it is unreasonable. I should be able to stand on my own two feet. You say I am independent…. that I’ve gone this far on my own… This is true. But it’s wearing down on me. I would like to have another soul to fight this fight with me.

Maybe you don’t understand. Maybe you really are too young. Maybe this isn’t as right as I want it to be. Maybe I am really the unreasonable one. 

I don’t know what I should do. I feel like I am doing everything wrong. Simply saying I am doing the best I know how even feels like a lie as each word slips on by. 

I am struggling. I am trying to be a better person. I am trying to change my entire life. I am trying to jump on this damn health kick… and sail away.

 I thought things would get easier. Boy, was I wrong. 

There is so much I want to do. In January of last year I felt like anything was possible. My, my, how time manages to kill everything. 

Well, once again… all I can do is trust my higher power knows what’s in store for me and I need not question it. 


Anonymous asked: Lol half of your followers are on tumblrdatinggame(.)com

IDK what that is


bleedingpoetess asked: If you had the chance would you change your past?

Yes. I would change almost everything.


I cannot help but feel….

…everything. Even things that are not there.

Everything seem intangible. 

Dream those intangible things.

My waking life seems to be crossing over. 

Nothing is real.

and everything is a dream.

A horrible, horrible dream that I cannot wake from. 

One day at a time, Miss Trixie. 

…One day at a time



elektronik-ink:

Heh. I find this incredibly funny. My girlfriend and I make jokes about this a lot XD

(Source: fletchern)


$108 was the cheapest Diabetic Eye Exam I could find…. FML


Really…

…all I want is to be okay.


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